Further behind than I thought

Remember my last post where I was talking about fitness as "running up the down escalator" and I said I think my BFF is wrong and when you stop training, you're only behind a couple steps and not the entire escalator?  Well, I was wrong.  I mean, it's definitely not the same as starting at the bottom again but it's quite a few more steps back than I thought.  Every time I do a half marathon I seriously doubt my ability to do a full.  

Half marathon number 4 was the Discovery Trail 1/2 in Long Beach, WA.  Last year I did the Beach to Chowder 5K.  This year I figured I'd do the half, even with my lack of training, because Cousin talked me into it.  There was only 26 people doing it and we thought we'd have a better chance of placing.  My son wanted to do the 5K because I knew he'd get a medal. (Isn't that a big reason we all do these things!?  The shiny medal!)  I love that he's having fun being active too!

Me and my kiddo at the starting arch

Cousin's family

I forgot my compression sleeves and cousin had an extra pair of compression socks.  Well, I wear Vibram 5 fingers so I couldn't wear regular socks so she talked me into destroying hers and cutting the toes off them.  She said it had to be better than no compression sleeves at all.  You can see that I'm wearing her bright pink ones in the pics above... which actually looked surprisingly cute with my Vanderkitten running top.  :)  But they ended up being a big problem.  I started off keeping pace with Cousin on the paved discovery trail through rolling dunes.  I wasn't used to rolling hills.  I have no idea how to do my Chi Running when I'm constantly going up one hill and down the other.  The hills weren't huge but it was enough to screw up my body's alignment that I'm so used to now.  (Note to self: Take her Chi Running hills class ASAP.)  And then my calves started cramping, and my feet felt like they were getting no circulation.  Like it was painful to lift them up and slam them down.  It felt like the edge of where I cut the toes off the socks was cutting into my foot.  And this was only about 2 miles in.  I was screwed.  I told cousin to go off without me.  I told her I have my music and it's a beautiful day, and I'd be fine.  She was reluctant, but she finally ran ahead.  

At the first water stop I sat down on a rock wall, took my shoes off, and pulled the compression socks off my foot and folded it over at my ankle instead.  I grabbed a sip of gatorade and took off again.  OMG it was night and day!  I could feel my feet again!  This is a prime example of why you should never try anything new on race day.  At this point I probably could have kept pace with Cousin and her brother but there was no way I'd be able to run fast enough to catch up to them.  At a turn around point I saw one girl behind me and that was it.  I was in 2nd to last place.  My goal for the next couple hours was to just stay ahead of her.  

At around mile 5, I passed through the starting area again and saw a lot of people coming in from finishing their 5K and 10K runs.  I didn't see my kiddo though.  And then I jogged across to the water stop and trail on the other side to keep going.  It was kind of tempting to just to do a 10K at this point.  But I thought, "No, I paid for the half.  I'm going to do the half."   At around mile 6 I saw a bathroom off to the side of the trail and I really had to pee so I ran in real quick.  When I came back out, I saw that the girl who was behind me had passed me.  I caught up to her and did the run/walk method with her for a little while.  But when she runs, she runs a lot faster than me so I finally had to drop off and let her go.  So then there was just me, in last place, alone in the dunes with my music and my thoughts.  I took a couple pics of the view...

My knees, ankles, and feet hurt.  I figured it must be the stupid rolling hills.  I'd walk a song, and run a song.  Around mile 7, I was feeling like I usually do around mile 8.  I text my husband and VK Sista' and said they needed to text me some encouragement because I wanted to just sit on a bench and cry.  They tried.  I put my phone back in the pocket of my hydration pack and thought about this quote I found on Pinterest a while back...

It's not like when I walked my body hurt any less.  I decided I'd just run and get it over with.  But first, lemme take a selfie...

I passed Cousin and her brother before the turn around point and it didn't seem like they were too far ahead.  We high-fived and cheered each other on.  The lady who was in last place was ahead of them now so she passed them at some point.  She must have started the race late because she definitely wasn't slow.  The last 3 miles-ish I started talking to a lady who I'd seen the whole race cycling back and forth with an STP jersey on, checking in on all the runners.  I was in last place so it was her job to wait for me anyway.  I said something like, "I'm a better cyclist than a runner!  Last year I did the STP in one day!"  So she just paced along side of me and we chatted.  She's done the STP 5 years in a row but never in one day.  She was really impressed that I did that, especially after only training for 5 months.  I told her about my crash and my stitches and broken bone, and why I hadn't been training for running lately either.  We talked about the Flying Wheels too and I told her I finished the 100 mile distance just 4 weeks after my crash.  She's only ever done the 60 mile.  It sounded like a bunch of excuses (and bragging) but it made me feel more badass and less slow-poke.  

When I got to the finish line, my husband and kids were there waiting for me.  He said that they packed up the finish line already and to just tell them my time when we got to the park for the awards ceremony.  Geez!  I wasn't THAT slow.  My best 1/2M time was 2:50.  I finished this race at 3:12.  And only 12 minutes behind Cousin.  A guy packing up a van handed me my medal.  How anti-climatic.  The banana/bagel table was all packed up too.  I didn't even get a freaking banana!  I was really mad about this.  There is no reason they couldn't wait for everyone to finish this course.  There was no time limit listed on their website, and there were no roads to re-open.  And when we got to the park for the awards ceremony we waited at least another 30 minutes for it to start.   I'm seriously going to write a letter.  I told BFF about all this and how I was mad I didn't even get a banana and she sent me this...

LOL!

Here's my kiddo and dog at the park.  Even Athena got a medal :)

I was sore the rest of the day, feeling miserable and defeated after finishing another race in last place...  Wondering why the heck I do this to myself and why I would ever want to do double that distance.  Cousin says, "You'll be fine because you'll get all the training in for the full and you'll be prepared for it."  I have a lot of doubts.

So a couple days later since my mother-in-law has our kids all week at her lake house, my husband and I decided to go on a fun little trail ride after work with VK Sista' and Cheetah, since we haven't ridden since the Flying Wheels.  This fun trail ride was on the Cedar River Trail, the same trail I had my first crash.  I really didn't think anything of it.  I've ridden plenty of miles since then but it freaked me the heck out.  I felt like my bike wasn't stable, that I would hit a rock or a stick or something and fly off the bike any second.  VK Sista' and husband took off at around 18 mph so we could rush and meet Cheetah at a park up ahead and I just couldn't do it.  I started having anxiety and feeling shaky.  I just stayed behind this huge guy on a little bike going like 12 mph.  I was so tense and was holding my bike so tight, that the muscles in my arms and neck and shoulders were killing me.  I got past the spot where I fell, and made it all the way to the light where we turned around that day.  I told husband and VK Sista' to go ahead and that I would just walk my bike back.  I was done with cycling and never wanted to get back on my bike ever again.  I didn't want to run anymore after this weekend either.  They both talked me into going a little further.  Husband said I got past the worst part, it should get better now.  VK Sista' said to at least make it a little further to the park to say hi to Cheetah.  So I did... reluctantly.

Here's everyone having fun except me.  (lol Elvis glasses)

VK Sista' and Cheetah went ahead and husband stayed back with me and took it slower.  I wasn't having any fun.  And both of my feet were numb.  Usually it's just a couple toes and only one foot at a time so I unclip from my pedals and that usually helps.  It's never been my entire foot before, and especially not both at the same time.  I tried to get off and do some low back stretches like I normally do and it didn't seem to help either.  I don't know if it was just because I was so tense, or it was because I did a half marathon a couple days before... It was just annoying.  Then I started thinking about how I already had to pay my insurance deductible from my crash, that I should just look into finally having the surgery on my low back this year and say screw it to any race for the rest of the year.  It would be a good excuse to give up.

My husband was telling me how all of this is just in my head.  That as soon as I think I'm going too fast (on my bike and on foot) that I talk myself out of it even though I'm perfectly capable.  I had an appointment with the physiatrist that I've been seeing off an on since my stepmom died and I asked her about that.  I asked her how to get out of my head and just keep going.  She said she really didn't understand what I was asking.  She said that if it's causing me anxiety then go slower.  She doesn't understand what it's like to race and want to push yourself further.  She said I'm being healthy and exercising and doing half marathons and riding my bike 100 miles in one day.  Just go slower if it bothers me.  Ha.  She said that people who have anxiety feel like they need to be in control so when I'm going too fast I feel like I'm not in control anymore.  But instead of telling me how to get over that, she said just slow down.



Yesterday I had minor oral surgery as the second step for my dental implants.  My jaw is swollen and it's been 24 hours and it's still bleeding.  It tastes gross and it hurts.  Ugh.  The jaw saga continues.  It's just one thing after another with me.  This is becoming ridiculous.  I'm behind on my training and I don't know when I'll be able to catch up (or if I even want to) and the STP is in 2 weeks.  If you have any words of encouragement, I'd love to hear them.  Thanks for reading my long whiny post.

Running up the down escalator

My BFF blogged the other day about how she hasn't been training since the Tinkerbell Half Marathon and she was afraid it was going to be like starting all over again.  She said fitness is like trying to run up an escalator that's going down.  It's really hard and takes extra effort to make it to the top, and if you stop at all, you're right back at the bottom.  (http://focusingonmyfeet.blogspot.com/2015/06/fitness-is-escalator.html)  I really like this analogy but I don't think it's true.  I think that if you are dedicated enough to make it to the top, and you take a break from training due to injuries or whatever, you aren't starting at the bottom again.  You're only a couple steps back, not the whole escalator.  Your mind and body remember how to get to the top so you'll make it easier than you did the first time.  

After the Flying Wheels and my crazy trip to the ER, I saw a GI doctor before we left for Mexico.  He said he didn't think I had an ulcer.  His theory was that because I spent 100 miles on my bike (probably not drinking enough water), and got off and sneezed weird... that I tore muscle/nerve/scar tissue from my gallbladder surgery.  He said if you tear a nerve, it's really painful so that might explain what happened.  He said that he could run all sorts of tests to be sure but he wanted to get me out of "patient mode" and back into "athlete mode."  So he told me to go out for dinner that night and eat some spicy food and a margarita to test it out.  If that hurt, it might be an ulcer, if not... take it easy and I'd be totally fine for my trip.  So, doctors orders... we went out for Mexican food Thursday night and I ate the spiciest food I could tolerate and I was just fine.  We packed up and left the next night for an entire week in Playa Del Carmen.  I had good intentions and brought my running clothes, and some bike shorts.  I unpacked them and they sat in the closet the entire time.  

This was where you could find me pretty much all week...

Laying on the beach with a book and a drink!  Heaven.

In other news... I officially lost the toe nail I bruised from the Tinkerbell Half after getting a massage in Mexico and then walking down the beach.  Does that make me a legitimate runner now?  There's already a new toe nail growing underneath so it didn't hurt when it fell off.  It was so weird.

When we got back from Mexico, I brought back 3 lbs of nachos on my body somewhere so I told VK Sista' that we needed to go to the gym every day this week.  On Monday I did a 1 mile run warm up, and then she kicked Husband and I's butts on the weights.  Tuesday, same thing.  Wednesday she had a meeting at work so we had a break (Grateful since were super sore anyway).  And then last night was the Adventure Run.  I wasn't able to run the last two because of my cycling crashes so I was really excited I was actually able to go with the 11 minute pacer group this time.  It felt good to run a 5K even though there was a lot of stops and weird obstacles to get tickets.  So fun!  I brought my son again and he ran with us the whole time!  I won a pretty awesome gift basket with some amazing soaps and make up too!  

Me and my kiddo

Group selfie!!!

So, my cousin talked me into doing the Discovery Trail Half Marathon this weekend.  It's a paved trail along Long Beach.  I don't know if I'm ready since I haven't been on many runs in quite a while. But I'm really hoping my "couple steps back" theory for my fitness escalator rings true.  

Life isn't a spectator sport

Bruises, road rash, stitches, a broken bone, blisters...  check out my toenail from the Disney 1/2M...

Finally took off my toenail polish!  Eww!

And I still wanted to ride my bike 100 miles last weekend.  Why?!  Am I crazy?  Why am I doing this to myself?  I'm scared of my bike, I have a broken face, and I want to get back on?  I was talking to my husband about it and he said we're just used to being active now, and you risk injury in any sport.  Whether I played hockey, football, or raced cars... There's going to be a risk of injury when you aren't sitting on the couch.  And I think it's worth the risk.  He told me he didn't think I was ready to do all 100 miles.  I haven't been training on my bike like I was last year, and I'm still healing.  He thought I should do the 67 mile ride.  I was determined to do the century.

We got up at 4am on Saturday morning to get to Redmond by 5:30am for The Flying Wheels.  We planned on doing the ride in 2 groups.  VK Sista', my husband, BFF's husband, and another friend (I need to come up with a blog name for him.  Those of you who know him, give me some ideas!)  And then group 2 would be going slower... Me, Cheetah, and my MIL.  Cheetah and my MIL are pretty new to cycling and with my broken bone, I wanted to take it pretty easy so this seemed like a good plan.  Us slow group started off 35 minutes ahead of the guys and VK Sista' because the guys were late.  

Husband, me, MIL, VK Sista', and Cheetah... waiting for the guys.

Cheetah, MIL, and me... the slow group at the start line!

We started off slow.  I wasn't nervous about being on my bike.  There wasn't a whole ton of people all starting at once at the start lines so we were free to just leisurely cycle along.  I led the way at about a 15 minute pace with my MIL behind me, and Cheetah behind her.  I kept looking back and they seemed to be further behind me than they should be.  After a couple miles, Cheetah passed my MIL and came up to chat with me.  My MIL was keeping up back there... but just barely... and this was a really easy pace for us.  Then we hit the big hill.  I knew it was coming and I was actually looking forward to it because I was freezing in my tri top and I knew going up that hill was going to warm me up.  

Last year on the Flying Wheels, my stepmom passed away the weekend before so I was kind of an emotionally drained mess.  The whole ride was a blur and it was really hard for me.  Last year I had to walk up a portion of that hill.  This time I just slowly made my way up, and smiled for the camera that I knew would be at the top.  Cheetah made her way up first and I found her at the top and we waited for my MIL who had to walk.  She got to the top and said that she thought she trained on hills in Spokane but she was wrong and they have no hills like that there.  I was worried since this ride is full of hills.  She said maybe she should just do the 67 mile ride.  I told her I'd stay with her and that we have 10 hours to finish this ride, and we'd just take it slow.  The fast group caught up to us around mile 10.  Got a kiss from the husband, saw the guys and VK Sista', wished them luck and they took off again. 

We made it to our first rest stop and ate some PB&J, crackers, etc.  The fast group was about to head out when we arrived so we said hello again.  I told husband I was worried about his mom finishing this today.  She usually rides along at such a slow pace with friends, stopping for lunch, etc.  Last weekend she rode with my BIL and his wife and kids, but I just wouldn't consider rides like that training for the STP.  We ride with our kids for fun, not to push ourselves.  I don't think her fun rides are helping her improve.  I think she felt she was in a little over her head.  

We fueled up and headed out again.  Cheetah jumped out ahead and I stayed back with my MIL and would explain to her how to start shifting when going up and down the hills.  She wasn't shifting soon enough.  She said that was really helpful.  After hanging out slowly with her for a little while, my legs were just itching to get going.  So I decided I would go catch up to Cheetah and chat for a bit and after a couple miles, we'd stop at the top of a hill and let my MIL catch up to us.  

We stopped after about 2-3 miles of riding and waited for her.  And waited, and waited, and waited. We waited about 10 minutes and there was no sign of her.  I said, "Oh no!  How much you want to bet that she took a right for the 45 mile ride instead of a left?"  I tried calling her and she didn't answer.  I text her and no luck.  I figured that had to be what she did.  She probably went the short route.  Maybe she did it on purpose and gave up?  We continued on maybe another mile and it was bugging me that I didn't know where she was for sure, so I tried calling again.  This time she answered, and yes... she took a right instead of a left.  She said she thought the sign said 100 was that way.  Hmm.  Not sure if I believe her but she sounded glad she turned that way and didn't have to complete the whole 100 miles.  Cheetah snapped a selfie as I was on the phone with her.  Ha...

Then I called my husband to let him know I lost his mother but she was fine.  So Cheetah and I headed off on our own for miles, and miles, and miles.  We kept a pretty good pace together.  We hit a bunch of rolling hills and I feel like I've totally mastered getting up and down those.   I'd go down one side peddling fast and shift into a hard gear as I started going up the next one and would sling shot myself to the top.  I was having a blast.  No pain in my face at all.  Just slight sinus pressure once in a while. And I finally feel like I have fueling down.  I would eat blocks or a gel or something every 10 miles at least.  I never felt tired.  My legs never gave up on me.  

At the 55 mile rest stop my phone rang and husband said he was at that rest stop.  Whaaat?  There's no way we caught up to them.  He said that the guys and VK Sista' went off without him and he wasn't feeling well so he thought he'd rest longer and wait for us with another girl who rode with them.  We adopted her during the STP.  It was fun to see her.  He got a text from his mom saying she completed the 45 mile ride when we got to the 55 mile rest stop.  At least she had a car key and a beer garden!  We were going to be a while.  I was starving at this stop so I basically stuffed my face with PB&J, cookies, a banana, almonds, pop chips.... basically everything they had.  

Husband, me, and our adopted cyclist at the rest area

Cool bike shot Cheetah took

And then we were off again, joining pace lines and trying to make up some time.  I still felt great.  Once in a while I'd be going along at a fast speed and think, "It would really, really hurt if I fell off my bike going this fast."  And then I'd talk myself out of it and think, "You're fine.  You're just going along in a straight line.  Trust your bike."  Here's a couple "on the road" pics Cheetah took...

At the mile 68 rest stop I felt sick.  My husband said that's how he felt at the last stop.  I took some tums, a rehydrate gel, and tried to eat but food didn't sound that great.  I asked everyone to hang out for another few minutes so I could lay in the grass and drink another bottle of water.  I felt a little better and the plan was for me to take the lead and go as slow as I needed and they'd keep my pace until I felt better.  I pretty much felt better right away.  There was another stop right before the hills at mile 82.  We ate what we could, I turned on my music, and prepared for the climbs.  

Rest stop selfie!  Our adopted cyclist friend, me, and cheetah

Cheetah and I zoomed ahead of husband and our adopted cyclist friend.  I felt awesome.  I was sweating and huffing and puffing and it felt so good to finally push myself.  It has been over a month since I've even gone for a run.  I kept passing people and cheering them on.  They looked miserable and annoyed by me.  It was a blast.  I killed those hills.  I stopped near the top of one to take a swig of water and decided to wait for my husband.  Cheetah was nowhere in sight.  He came up slowly around the corner and said, "What did you guys eat at that rest stop that we didn't?!"  Ha!  

I remember the end of the Flying Wheels last year as one long road that just never, ever ended.  I was exhausted and just wanted to stop and lay in someone's front yard.  This year I felt great.  It felt easy. When we finally reached the finish line, I felt like I had more miles in me.  I was so, so excited that my lack of seat time and my injury didn't prevent me from finishing.  My husband didn't even think I could do it.  Not only did I do it, I felt great doing it.  When I finished I knew I'd be just fine for the STP.  My MIL, VK Sista' were there cheering us on as we finished.  Cheetah was there cheering too.  She finished about 5 minutes before we did.  (Because she's a cheetah.)  The guys left already.  I barely saw them.  I didn't even get a photo of them.  I was so proud of VK Sista' for keeping up with those crazy guys the entire 100 miles.  Badass chick!!!  Here's some finish line photos...

The 100 mile crew

Everyone except the guys

Beer garden

Cheers for VK Sista's birthday that was the day before!

We went out and stuffed our faces with sushi that night, and went to bed...

Then at 2am I woke up with the worst pain.  It was like a gallbladder attack but I have no gallbladder!  I laid on the bathroom floor in child's pose feeling like I was going to get sick.  I took a percoset and just waited for it to kick in and it never did.  After about a half hour, I took another one.  Nothing.  I was in such pain.  It was the weirdest thing.  I finally woke up my husband and told him I think I should go to the ER.  So we left around 3:30am.  This is only the 3rd time I've ever been to the ER my whole life.  The first was gallstones when I was pregnant 3 years ago.  The second was 4 weeks ago when I crashed and needed stitches.  So a month later, I really don't want to make a habit out of this!  

They had me change into a hospital gown and gave me an IV and took a couple viles of blood.  They wanted me to take a urine test and I didn't have to go.  And come to think of it, I have been up for 2 hours and I haven't needed to yet.  Maybe I didn't get enough water during my ride?  After 2 bags of fluid, I still didn't have to go.  Super weird.  The nurse gave me morphine for the pain.  It made me really warm for a few minutes, and it almost felt like all my muscles were spasming.  Like I was so tense the meds were trying to make them relax.  It hurt.  The pain dulled a little bit and then it was back.  Awesome.  Morphine doesn't even help.  So they decided to try dilaudid.  One mg of that and sorta the same thing happened with the morphine but I also felt like I had 3 too many beers.  Pain was still there.  So they gave me another mg.  FINALLY the pain went away but I felt so nauseous and dizzy that I was dry heaving in a barf bag.  They put a couple different types of anti-nausea meds in my IV but they didn't seem to be doing anything.  What the heck was wrong with me?

They said they needed to take a urine test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before doing a cat scan.  How stupid.  I'm not pregnant.  I have an IUD and my husband has had a vasectomy.  The chances of me being pregnant are .0000001 or something.  But I had to make my way to the bathroom all loopy and pee 3 drops into a cup.  Surprise, not pregnant.  So they wheeled me down to get a cat scan and I couldn't get on the table because I was dry heaving.  I wasn't able to keep still enough to have the scan.  That took some trial and error but I was finally able to lay still enough to do it.  

When I got back to my room the rest of the early morning was kind of a blur.  Too many meds I guess.  The doctor came in to talk to me and I couldn't pay attention to her.  I couldn't keep my eyes open.  She said she'd just talk to my husband so I could sleep.  Oh thank goodness!  Leave me alone.  I know they got my cat scan back which was normal, and my blood work came back normal.  At some point, hours later, I went to the bathroom to finally give them a whole cup of urine and they tested that and it was normal too.  They decided that maybe I have a stomach ulcer or I have too much acid?  I have no idea.  They gave me Zantac.  Told me to eat bland food, see a GI Doctor ASAP, and sent me home about 10am.  They have no idea if any of this was ride related or not.  Thank goodness my kids were still at my moms.  I went to bed and slept until 2pm.  I woke up with a migraine and couldn't stop throwing up.  Awful.  And I felt loopy the entire rest of the day.  

So I'm home today resting. Still a dull pain but feeling a little better.  I can't get into the GI Dr until Thursday and we're supposed to leave for Mexico Friday night.  I'm really worried about that now. I've been sleeping or sitting on the couch for a day and a half.  I missed my stepmom's headstone unveiling ceremony yesterday.  I'm tired of sitting here already.  I already want to go for a run.  Will this keep me down?