Remember my last post where I was talking about fitness as "running up the down escalator" and I said I think my BFF is wrong and when you stop training, you're only behind a couple steps and not the entire escalator? Well, I was wrong. I mean, it's definitely not the same as starting at the bottom again but it's quite a few more steps back than I thought. Every time I do a half marathon I seriously doubt my ability to do a full.
Half marathon number 4 was the Discovery Trail 1/2 in Long Beach, WA. Last year I did the Beach to Chowder 5K. This year I figured I'd do the half, even with my lack of training, because Cousin talked me into it. There was only 26 people doing it and we thought we'd have a better chance of placing. My son wanted to do the 5K because I knew he'd get a medal. (Isn't that a big reason we all do these things!? The shiny medal!) I love that he's having fun being active too!
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| Me and my kiddo at the starting arch |
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| Cousin's family |
I forgot my compression sleeves and cousin had an extra pair of compression socks. Well, I wear Vibram 5 fingers so I couldn't wear regular socks so she talked me into destroying hers and cutting the toes off them. She said it had to be better than no compression sleeves at all. You can see that I'm wearing her bright pink ones in the pics above... which actually looked surprisingly cute with my Vanderkitten running top. :) But they ended up being a big problem. I started off keeping pace with Cousin on the paved discovery trail through rolling dunes. I wasn't used to rolling hills. I have no idea how to do my Chi Running when I'm constantly going up one hill and down the other. The hills weren't huge but it was enough to screw up my body's alignment that I'm so used to now. (Note to self: Take her Chi Running hills class ASAP.) And then my calves started cramping, and my feet felt like they were getting no circulation. Like it was painful to lift them up and slam them down. It felt like the edge of where I cut the toes off the socks was cutting into my foot. And this was only about 2 miles in. I was screwed. I told cousin to go off without me. I told her I have my music and it's a beautiful day, and I'd be fine. She was reluctant, but she finally ran ahead.
At the first water stop I sat down on a rock wall, took my shoes off, and pulled the compression socks off my foot and folded it over at my ankle instead. I grabbed a sip of gatorade and took off again. OMG it was night and day! I could feel my feet again! This is a prime example of why you should never try anything new on race day. At this point I probably could have kept pace with Cousin and her brother but there was no way I'd be able to run fast enough to catch up to them. At a turn around point I saw one girl behind me and that was it. I was in 2nd to last place. My goal for the next couple hours was to just stay ahead of her.
At around mile 5, I passed through the starting area again and saw a lot of people coming in from finishing their 5K and 10K runs. I didn't see my kiddo though. And then I jogged across to the water stop and trail on the other side to keep going. It was kind of tempting to just to do a 10K at this point. But I thought, "No, I paid for the half. I'm going to do the half." At around mile 6 I saw a bathroom off to the side of the trail and I really had to pee so I ran in real quick. When I came back out, I saw that the girl who was behind me had passed me. I caught up to her and did the run/walk method with her for a little while. But when she runs, she runs a lot faster than me so I finally had to drop off and let her go. So then there was just me, in last place, alone in the dunes with my music and my thoughts. I took a couple pics of the view...
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My knees, ankles, and feet hurt. I figured it must be the stupid rolling hills. I'd walk a song, and run a song. Around mile 7, I was feeling like I usually do around mile 8. I text my husband and VK Sista' and said they needed to text me some encouragement because I wanted to just sit on a bench and cry. They tried. I put my phone back in the pocket of my hydration pack and thought about this quote I found on Pinterest a while back...
It's not like when I walked my body hurt any less. I decided I'd just run and get it over with. But first, lemme take a selfie...
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I passed Cousin and her brother before the turn around point and it didn't seem like they were too far ahead. We high-fived and cheered each other on. The lady who was in last place was ahead of them now so she passed them at some point. She must have started the race late because she definitely wasn't slow. The last 3 miles-ish I started talking to a lady who I'd seen the whole race cycling back and forth with an STP jersey on, checking in on all the runners. I was in last place so it was her job to wait for me anyway. I said something like, "I'm a better cyclist than a runner! Last year I did the STP in one day!" So she just paced along side of me and we chatted. She's done the STP 5 years in a row but never in one day. She was really impressed that I did that, especially after only training for 5 months. I told her about my crash and my stitches and broken bone, and why I hadn't been training for running lately either. We talked about the Flying Wheels too and I told her I finished the 100 mile distance just 4 weeks after my crash. She's only ever done the 60 mile. It sounded like a bunch of excuses (and bragging) but it made me feel more badass and less slow-poke.
When I got to the finish line, my husband and kids were there waiting for me. He said that they packed up the finish line already and to just tell them my time when we got to the park for the awards ceremony. Geez! I wasn't THAT slow. My best 1/2M time was 2:50. I finished this race at 3:12. And only 12 minutes behind Cousin. A guy packing up a van handed me my medal. How anti-climatic. The banana/bagel table was all packed up too. I didn't even get a freaking banana! I was really mad about this. There is no reason they couldn't wait for everyone to finish this course. There was no time limit listed on their website, and there were no roads to re-open. And when we got to the park for the awards ceremony we waited at least another 30 minutes for it to start. I'm seriously going to write a letter. I told BFF about all this and how I was mad I didn't even get a banana and she sent me this...
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| LOL! |
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| Here's my kiddo and dog at the park. Even Athena got a medal :) |
I was sore the rest of the day, feeling miserable and defeated after finishing another race in last place... Wondering why the heck I do this to myself and why I would ever want to do double that distance. Cousin says, "You'll be fine because you'll get all the training in for the full and you'll be prepared for it." I have a lot of doubts.
So a couple days later since my mother-in-law has our kids all week at her lake house, my husband and I decided to go on a fun little trail ride after work with VK Sista' and Cheetah, since we haven't ridden since the Flying Wheels. This fun trail ride was on the Cedar River Trail, the same trail I had my first crash. I really didn't think anything of it. I've ridden plenty of miles since then but it freaked me the heck out. I felt like my bike wasn't stable, that I would hit a rock or a stick or something and fly off the bike any second. VK Sista' and husband took off at around 18 mph so we could rush and meet Cheetah at a park up ahead and I just couldn't do it. I started having anxiety and feeling shaky. I just stayed behind this huge guy on a little bike going like 12 mph. I was so tense and was holding my bike so tight, that the muscles in my arms and neck and shoulders were killing me. I got past the spot where I fell, and made it all the way to the light where we turned around that day. I told husband and VK Sista' to go ahead and that I would just walk my bike back. I was done with cycling and never wanted to get back on my bike ever again. I didn't want to run anymore after this weekend either. They both talked me into going a little further. Husband said I got past the worst part, it should get better now. VK Sista' said to at least make it a little further to the park to say hi to Cheetah. So I did... reluctantly.
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| Here's everyone having fun except me. (lol Elvis glasses) |
VK Sista' and Cheetah went ahead and husband stayed back with me and took it slower. I wasn't having any fun. And both of my feet were numb. Usually it's just a couple toes and only one foot at a time so I unclip from my pedals and that usually helps. It's never been my entire foot before, and especially not both at the same time. I tried to get off and do some low back stretches like I normally do and it didn't seem to help either. I don't know if it was just because I was so tense, or it was because I did a half marathon a couple days before... It was just annoying. Then I started thinking about how I already had to pay my insurance deductible from my crash, that I should just look into finally having the surgery on my low back this year and say screw it to any race for the rest of the year. It would be a good excuse to give up.
My husband was telling me how all of this is just in my head. That as soon as I think I'm going too fast (on my bike and on foot) that I talk myself out of it even though I'm perfectly capable. I had an appointment with the physiatrist that I've been seeing off an on since my stepmom died and I asked her about that. I asked her how to get out of my head and just keep going. She said she really didn't understand what I was asking. She said that if it's causing me anxiety then go slower. She doesn't understand what it's like to race and want to push yourself further. She said I'm being healthy and exercising and doing half marathons and riding my bike 100 miles in one day. Just go slower if it bothers me. Ha. She said that people who have anxiety feel like they need to be in control so when I'm going too fast I feel like I'm not in control anymore. But instead of telling me how to get over that, she said just slow down.
Yesterday I had minor oral surgery as the second step for my dental implants. My jaw is swollen and it's been 24 hours and it's still bleeding. It tastes gross and it hurts. Ugh. The jaw saga continues. It's just one thing after another with me. This is becoming ridiculous. I'm behind on my training and I don't know when I'll be able to catch up (or if I even want to) and the STP is in 2 weeks. If you have any words of encouragement, I'd love to hear them. Thanks for reading my long whiny post.
