Fat girl syndrome

So, you decide you want to lose weight.  You start eating better and working out, your pants start getting looser, your friends start complementing you on how great you look, you start feeling confident in yourself, you buy the next size down...  and so on and so forth.  You get stuck once in a while and hit a plateau and all of a sudden you feel huge.  You look in the mirror and it's like all the hard work you've done, and all the pounds you've lost are back.... only they aren't really back.  The scale stays the same, your clothes are smaller than they were before but it's like you've gotten used to your new body.  The complements stop and you're just you.

Does this ring true for anyone or is it just me?  I went from a size XL to Med shirts, and a size 18 to a 10 in jeans.  I can't shop at Lane Bryant anymore but I'm still the same shape.  I still have a big butt, big thighs, and big boobs so when I look in the mirror, I look the same as I always have.  I said I wanted to be a size 10 because I like my curves, but now that I'm here, I want to be even smaller.  Will I ever be happy with myself?  I mean, I think I look good, don't get me wrong... I feel confident and I think my clothes look great on me.  But I think they could look even better.  Why do I feel that way?

My mom got me a gift card to Kohl's for Christmas so I went shopping yesterday for new clothes.  I've always hated shopping for clothes so I tend to avoid it.  I'm happy with hand-me-downs... and I like shopping at thrift shops because I can go straight to the rack of jeans in my size and try on as many different brands and styles that I want in hopes one of them fits.  Yesterday I shopped the clearance rack for any shirt in a size medium.  They all look so small to me I think there's no way they're going to fit me but I toss them in my cart anyway.  Then I go search for Levi's because that's the brand of the one pair of jeans that currently fits me.  I grab 3 pairs in a size 10 long.  The waist looks so tiny.  There's no way these are going to fit.  I figure I must have just gotten really lucky with the pair I have on, and whoever owned them before me surely stretched them out.  Well, turns out every pair of jeans I try on fit like a glove, and one of the shirts was even too big.  I'm seriously baffled.  Why am I baffled?  I've worked so hard, and come so far!  I should be super proud of myself but I'm just in shock. 

So that's the fat girl syndrome.  Something in my brain still tells me I'm a fat girl.  I bought a new running hoodie a couple weeks ago and my BFF tells me I'm "swimming in it."  I said, "Oh that's because I bought an extra large."  She's like, "Why on earth would you buy an extra large?!"  "I don't know, workout clothes come tighter than other clothes.  I wanted to be comfy."  But then I check the tag and it says large.  "See!  And you're still swimming in it!"  Hmm...so I'm not an extra large, and apparently I'm not a large either.  It takes some getting used to I guess.  It's been years, it should kick in by now.

And in conclusion... just for fun... here's one of the shirts I bought yesterday (In a size medium).  Yes!!  ....